"Research has conclusively demonstrated…"
…is another great way to begin a sentence drawn from one's own fevered imagination. According to my own research, there's an awful lot of research out there and it all demonstrates with alarming and uncanny accuracy precisely whatever it was initially expected to. Therefore one should feel free to quote research of which one is completely unaware in the knowledge that - more often than not - the quote will be accurate. This also saves a lot of time on, well, research, or "reinventing the wheel" as we refer to it here in industry.
In breaking news, SpongeBob has been outed by the Christian right. Personally, I always had my suspicions. Anyone who lives in a pineapple has got to be a little suspect, right?
Meanwhile myself, Bart (offbeat Californian Berkeley/Princeton graduate who stands out as the under-groomed section of the marketing division), Troy (also works in marketing and has an ex-wife from Isfield - yes Isfield I tell you) and Joe, his best friend from school and manager of one of Portland's most successful salons (hairdresser to you), have been kicking around the idea of opening our own bar somewhere in the city. Needless to say, this has involved some research, which has so far only demonstrated that drinking on an empty stomach after work produces rapid insobriety - although this is not yet conclusive. A trait common to most Americans, one which it is difficult not to admire, is their general get-up-and-go; their enthusiastic, entrepreneurial outlook on life, an attitude that meets failure as no more than a temporary setback - rather than just further evidence of one's own incapacity and Fate's cruel mockery of man's vanity. Not very British to be sure, but the mood is infective and uplifting. The sense of possibility is, in itself, rather liberating.
"It's me knees, doctor" is what I should have said, though it would only have been amusing to me and may have lead to a different diagnosis. Turns out that I damaged the cartilage in the aforementioned joints in that spurt of over zealous running (yes, of course, it's was rather more jogging, but I'm trying to glamorise it for the sake of my dignity) back in November. The condition is in fact called Runner's Knee, which put me in mind of Housemaid's Knee, the one condition the protagonist in Three Men in a Boat believed he was not suffering from. In any case, all will heal in time, but for now I've been prescribed two patella straps (essentially belts which fit under one's knees) and been told to grin and bear it, but to avoid any, well, running. Which doesn't sound too difficult.
Meanwhile Rachel is very much enjoying her new job as a proof-reader for the medical reports generated when workplace injury compensation cases come to trial. As a word of advice, it's probably best not to operate a chainsaw whilst dangling from a helicopter.
In breaking news, SpongeBob has been outed by the Christian right. Personally, I always had my suspicions. Anyone who lives in a pineapple has got to be a little suspect, right?
Meanwhile myself, Bart (offbeat Californian Berkeley/Princeton graduate who stands out as the under-groomed section of the marketing division), Troy (also works in marketing and has an ex-wife from Isfield - yes Isfield I tell you) and Joe, his best friend from school and manager of one of Portland's most successful salons (hairdresser to you), have been kicking around the idea of opening our own bar somewhere in the city. Needless to say, this has involved some research, which has so far only demonstrated that drinking on an empty stomach after work produces rapid insobriety - although this is not yet conclusive. A trait common to most Americans, one which it is difficult not to admire, is their general get-up-and-go; their enthusiastic, entrepreneurial outlook on life, an attitude that meets failure as no more than a temporary setback - rather than just further evidence of one's own incapacity and Fate's cruel mockery of man's vanity. Not very British to be sure, but the mood is infective and uplifting. The sense of possibility is, in itself, rather liberating.
"It's me knees, doctor" is what I should have said, though it would only have been amusing to me and may have lead to a different diagnosis. Turns out that I damaged the cartilage in the aforementioned joints in that spurt of over zealous running (yes, of course, it's was rather more jogging, but I'm trying to glamorise it for the sake of my dignity) back in November. The condition is in fact called Runner's Knee, which put me in mind of Housemaid's Knee, the one condition the protagonist in Three Men in a Boat believed he was not suffering from. In any case, all will heal in time, but for now I've been prescribed two patella straps (essentially belts which fit under one's knees) and been told to grin and bear it, but to avoid any, well, running. Which doesn't sound too difficult.
Meanwhile Rachel is very much enjoying her new job as a proof-reader for the medical reports generated when workplace injury compensation cases come to trial. As a word of advice, it's probably best not to operate a chainsaw whilst dangling from a helicopter.
posted by Richard Tammar at 8:16 PM
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